I was chatting with a friend and, in the midst of discussing the trials of raising teenagers in middle school, mentioned that her daughter had a guy that really liked her. He wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He was stung that she didn't have the same desire. This daughter, knowing she didn’t want to date this guy, said something that I thought was amazing:
“I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. But, my feelings are my own.”
Wow. I’m still learning that lesson.
So I guess that’s why I wanted to talk about it a bit more. I feel like I grew up in a time where when a guy asked you on a date, you owed it to him to go. Despite feeling uncomfortable or uninterested, it was your responsibility to “reward” the “courage” of the guy by going on this date.
But what? You don’t have to do that?
No, you don’t!
Granted, I admired the courage it takes for guys to ask girls on dates. I think I can properly admire this courage because I have asked guys on dates and I know how bone-rattling it can be. I mean, you’re putting yourself out there! However, I don’t think that dating pressure should be there. If you don’t want to go, you don’t owe it to anyone to go!
I struggle with feeling guilty about how I feel. I somehow judge my feelings as being wrong for the situation. But like this sweet young friend said, my feelings are my own.
I had a pretty real experience with this last week. I had to tell a guy who was immensely considerate and kind that I didn’t have the same feelings for him as he did for me. Did I feel awful about it? Of course. I know what it’s like to be on the other side of that fence. Not fun.
But my feelings are my own. And they are totally okay, just the way there are!
PS - thank you, dear friend, for sharing that wisdom. This experience was shared with the daughter and mom’s permission. Maybe I'll have that much wisdom one day...
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